Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy Zombie Jesus Day...

...or Easter, if you're the type of insensitive prick that can't take a joke regarding such a taboo subject as religion. I had a coworker shoot me a very dour look this evening upon making that joke. What a hump.

I sometimes can't decide if I'm not as funny as I think, or if my sense of humor is a bit more thought-provoking (or requiring of thought, even) than the people around me are comfortable with. Or is it that people are just so uncomfortable with finding humor in the ultra-serious business of religion, that even the slightest slight is viewed as an offense against God?

God did create man in His own image (or so the story goes), which means God must have a sense of humor, right? If you don't think so, it's probably because you aren't paying that much attention to the world around you, or it's just that His sense of humor is so cosmic and grand, you missed the funny.

I didn't. I can find humor in damn near every situation. It's how I keep my sanity in this fucked-up world. We live in a time where any mad despot is one button push away from plunging the planet into non-existence. We live with the knowledge that a super volcano could erupt, an asteroid the size of Texas could plow into the planet, that a government research facility testing new and fun ways to make us vomit out our blood and feces could have an oops... We live in a self-created world that is but a breath away from fucking itself into nothingness, killing us all in a rather unpleasent fashion, and making mankind a shit stain in the toilet bowl of history. You can dwell on it, or you can have a few laughs before the candle gets snuffed. Period.

Zombie Jesus. It's funny, if you know zombies and can unload the guilt of Christianity for a few seconds.

Let's think it through, shall we? Who rises from the dead? Zombies. Who hosts dinner parties inviting the guests to feast on flesh and blood? Zombies. Who hates brightly colored eggs? Any parent that has drunkenly hidden them the night before, forgot where they all were and discovered one by smell several days later. And zombies.

Math is science folks, and you can't argue with science. Unless you are religious and then it seems to be socially and morally acceptable, for some reason.

What are those? Fossils? Rubbish. The Galapagos Islands? Didn't we invade that during WWII? I'm sure we kicked the shit of some gooks there... Darwin? You mean that guy with all those theories that are actually facts but we can't ackowledge them as such because it makes us uncomfortable? He's gay.

We live in a world where people turn a blind eye to atrocities that are committed directly in front of them, but will find the nearest soapbox and rape your ear the second you make an offhand remark about a savior with all the factual basis of Santa Claus. don't think God has a sense of humor?


  1. All I can say is this. For the sceptic, no proof is possible. For the believer, no proof is necessary. That I believe is not proof that I do not recognize facts, it is proof that I believe in miracles. I could go in to depth, if you wanted, and go point-by-point, but I don't think you really want that. Besides, as it happens, I can take a joke. Even at my expense. :)

  2. That you believe is perhaps proof that you recognize non-facts. Is that a fair way to put it?